This is something i wrote one a late night back in January, prime example of one of my many rambles. I always find it interesting re-reading something i wrote a while ago, its funny looking back at how i was feeling and what was going through my mind...
I'm not the most exciting girl in the world, I hate being a worrier,
so I’m channelling it through biscuits, rich teas to be precise.
If every rich tea were a worry, I could fill a room, a big room at that.
Theres seven
year old me “oh no I don’t have frilly socks for school”
and then theres teenage Fatty “what do my friends think?"
theres first
year of uni “why is there so much drama?”
today “why have I ate so much?”
It’s a never ending cycle of bullshit isn’t it, you’re
born, its good. To you the world is a massive flat place full of grown-ups… Then you become one of them and realise the worlds round, and can be quite
frankly pretty shit at times. In the grand scheme of things, will this moment
really matter in my life? I’m not sure.. Do I care about the things I did when
I was younger, maybe. I can’t decide, you see its odd isn’t it growing up I’ve
turned twenty and suddenly feel like a wrinkled hag, I feel like my life is
passing me by and I’m just watching it. But its not an interesting T.V. program
you want to sit and watch its just an annoying, slightly over-weight girl that
worries too much about what everybody else around her thinks; thinks of her,
thinks of what she says and what she does and whether or not she’s a dick or
not, but who cares i've realised that maybe I should just become a general
dickhead and own it, then nobody can offend me by thinking it can they! Did i mention I'm a Theatre student so, occasionally like to be a little bit dramatic.
Second thought of the day, I love it when you’ve nearly
finished work, the feeling that I will see you soon even if you’ve had a
rubbish shift and don’t want to speak that’s ok with me. Although I am losing
out to a ps4 at the moment what do I need to do get naked, throw caution to
the wind and run around the garden numerous times shouting “pay me
attention!!!” in order for you to look away...ok so maybe I’m being OTT but I like i said, we’ve established I’m a very over-dramatic girl and I don’t know how to
be any other way.
My brain would look like a spoon I think, it wants to lap up
all the dleicous wonderous things in life but it needs someone to pick it up
and delve into life for it because its lazy you see, my brain, my body, me. Im
a lazy girl and I dont know what to do with myself. I want to travel, yea
I want to be an actress, yea
I want to be adored, why not?
But it all comes with a
price, dreaming because if you spend too much time dreaming you don’t actually
get around to doing it. So this is my mission, I need to be motivated, I need
to start living and I need to do it now!...Ok its 23:24 and im weighed down
from biscuits currently so maybe tomorrow..or Saturday, yes Saturday will be
good, no sunday, definitely sunday.
